In My 15th Year -- part 6

: wed. 2:30ish pm :
I'm so scared of what it will be like there.
I'm scared of being the new one.
I'm afraid there's nothing wrong with me, maybe I'm just selfish and spoiled.
I'm afraid there is something wrong with me ..and its not fixable.
Maybe I'll never leave once I get there.

: wed. 3:10ish pm :
We stop and get gas.
They ask me if I want a pop...daja vue.
I say sure ..a coke please.
We drive on.


: wed. 3:45ish pm :
We pull in a long driveway and I see a sprawling complex of buildings.
To the right says Adult Facilities -->
To the left says Childrens Facilities.
I just close my eyes .
There is a large turn around drive at the front of the building.
Big white pillars framing the door.
No bars guards or dogs.
We grab my stuff out of the trunk and walk through the doors.
Even now I don't want to leave.
I think I'm hoping for a miracle.


: wed. 4:20ish pm :
We are all signed in and my parents aren't even allowed to escort me to my ward.
Its all goodbye at the door.
Bye, see ya, maybe next time I wont break your heart.
Maybe I'm home.

: wed. 4:45ish pm :
They show me to my room I'm in a double bed room.
The walls are beige, the bedspreads are beige, the carpet is brown.
It has a semi divider so you can't see the other bed and desk when you are in bed.
Two bathrooms one on each side but my as yet unseen roommates bathroom is the toilet
and mine is the shower.
We both have mirrors on the wall and a place to hang clothes and a desk with a window that will never open above it.
They tell me to unpack and meet them in the rec room down the hall.
I don't have much to unpack and they've already been through it looking for things not allowed.
I'm thinking how stupid it is that they took my talcum powder.
and left me such things as..
Tape Cases
Coats with ties in them
shoe laces
( If you don't understand why I point each of these items out ...you will ).

: wed. 5:00ish pm :
I walk down the hall to the rec room where everyone is gathering.
They gather here and walk as a group to the dinning room.
I'm introduced and I see Racheal from the last hospital, she says hi and asks about so and so.
We walk flocked by a couple Nurses.
I ended up in the all girls ward, god I am so glad for that.
Boys make me close up inside.
I hate how I look.
We reach the dinning room and enter I'm shown where to sit.
Each ward sits at certain tables and no one from other wards can sit with you.
But you all sit in the same room.
I'm put sitting by the nurse who watches everything I eat.
This is where they sit newcomers and anorexics and bulimics.
I meet this girl named April (bulimic).
We begin to talk and I think to myself that she is beautiful and we talk and talk.
The nurse interrupts us saying for April to eat.

: wed 5:30ish pm :
We leave the dinning room in our group heading back to the ward.
April and I still are talking.
When we get into the ward we are stopped and searched for silverware.
Then told we have free time ..April has 30 minutes in the rec room.
She isn't allowed to go to her bedroom, 30 minutes to get something to digest.
I sit with her in the rec room and we listen to the song " old time rock and roll ..by bob seger ".

: wed. 6:00ish pm :
I go to my room and I meet my roommate Jenny.
Also bulimic.
I think to myself ... I must really scare these skinny bulimic girls ..I'm a fatty.
Jen and I talk all night about everything.

: wed. 9:00ish pm :
Bedtime.

: wed. 10:00ish pm :
First Nurse check.

: wed. 11:00ish pm :
Second Nurse check.

: thurs. 1200ish am :
Third Nurse check.
I fall asleep.